Struggling Survivors' Pet Peeves: Actions That Those Who Have Faced Challenges Dislike but Others Enjoy
Struggles with Social Interaction for Those Who Have Experienced Hard Times
People who have gone through difficult times or trauma may find social interactions challenging and stressful. According to a study published in the European Journal of Psychotraumatology, these individuals often experience shifts in their sense of self and may struggle with emotional loneliness, finding it hard to connect with even close friends and peers.
One of the key reasons for this is heightened anxiety and hypervigilance. Trauma sensitizes the amyggdala (fear center), causing a person to perceive social or seemingly benign situations as threatening. This leads to stress, avoidance behaviors, or emotional withdrawal in social settings, especially large groups or parties.
Emotional dysregulation is another factor. Those who have experienced trauma often struggle to regulate intense emotions such as anger, sadness, or anxiety. This can make interactions like small talk, being the center of attention, or discussing personal vulnerabilities feel overwhelming or exhausting.
Negative cognitive appraisals and avoidance are also common. Trauma survivors commonly develop maladaptive thoughts about themselves and others (e.g., mistrust, shame, guilt) and use avoidance as a coping mechanism to reduce distress, leading them to withdraw from socializing or talking about difficult topics like their past or vulnerabilities.
Low self-esteem and discomfort receiving attention or help are also issues. Residual shame and decreased self-worth following trauma can make receiving compliments, asking for help, or discussing oneself feel uncomfortable or even threatening.
Social withdrawal and isolation are common coping mechanisms for trauma survivors. Avoiding reminders of trauma is essential, which can include avoiding social environments or activities associated with distress. This withdrawal can manifest as an aversion to crowded places, parties, or even routine conversations.
Difficulty trusting others and intimacy issues are also prevalent. Trauma can impair interpersonal trust and increase fear of rejection, making vulnerability in relationships especially challenging.
Behavioral and cognitive changes are also a consequence of trauma. Trauma affects cognitive processing, leading to difficulties in concentration or decision-making that compound the challenge of navigating social and everyday situations.
Impulsivity or overspending can be another coping mechanism for some trauma survivors. They may engage in behaviors like overspending as a way to manage emotional pain or regain control.
Paradoxically, even resting or pausing can feel unsafe or guilt-inducing due to trauma-related anxiety, survivor’s guilt, or hyperarousal states.
Talking about past traumatic experiences can be difficult for people who've been through hard times due to fears of burdening others and not being understood. Asking for help can be difficult for the same reasons, due to patterns of suppression, internalized guilt and shame, or feelings of self-blame.
People who have been through hard times often develop a higher level of resilience, but the psychological, emotional, and cognitive effects of trauma can make social interaction and typical social activities stressful, aversive, or exhausting. Their nervous system’s trauma "wiring" causes a persistent, heightened state of alert that makes engaging with others feel risky or overwhelming rather than relaxing or pleasurable.
Hyper-vigilance and a need for self-protection are common among people who've been through hard times, making crowded parties and huge social events unpleasant for them. Psychologist Susan Albers argues that hyper-vigilance is often a side effect of trauma and hardship in life, encouraging people to be overly cautious with the situations, things, and people they introduce into their lives.
They prefer being alone or around people they trust, and dislike superficial conversations and crowded places. Overspending is one of the things they hate doing due to a need for control and guarding their resources. Compliments can be confusing and difficult to navigate due to struggles with self-esteem. Being the center of attention is often overwhelming for people with unresolved trauma or adversity, as they struggle with grounding themselves and finding peace with healthy coping mechanisms.
Understanding these challenges can help friends, family, and loved ones of trauma survivors to be more empathetic and supportive, providing a safe and nurturing environment for healing and growth.
- People who have gone through difficult times or trauma may find it hard to connect with even close friends and peers due to emotional loneliness, as per a study in the European Journal of Psychotraumatology.
- Trauma sensitizes the amygggdala (fear center), causing a person to perceive social situations as threatening, leading to stress, avoidance behaviors, or emotional withdrawal in social settings.
- Negative cognitive appraisals and avoidance are common among trauma survivors, who often develop maladaptive thoughts about themselves and others, leading them to withdraw from socializing or talking about difficult topics.
- Struggling to regulate intense emotions like anger, sadness, or anxiety can make interactions like small talk or discussing personal vulnerabilities feel overwhelming or exhausting for trauma survivors.
- Lower self-esteem and discomfort receiving attention or help are issues for trauma survivors, making it uncomfortable or even threatening to receive compliments, ask for help, or discuss oneself.
- Social withdrawal and isolation are common coping mechanisms for trauma survivors, who avoid social environments or activities associated with distress as a way to cope.
- Difficulty trusting others and intimacy issues are prevalent among trauma survivors, as trauma can impair interpersonal trust and increase fear of rejection, making vulnerability in relationships especially challenging.
- Behavioral and cognitive changes are a consequence of trauma, affecting cognitive processing and leading to difficulties in concentration or decision-making, compounding the challenge of navigating social and everyday situations.
